What I'll Forget to Say Tomorrow
by Lashana
Summary: Draco sits awake one night contemplating his lover.


**Title: **What I'll Forget to Say Tomorrow****

Author: Lashana 

**Pairing: **H/D

**Rating: **PG -13

**Warnings: **major angst, implied slash

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. They belong to her. *Points at JK Rowling* Though I'm not so sure she'll want Draco back by the time I'm finish with him. ^_^  "Janie Don't You Take Your Love to Town" is property of Mr. Jon Bon Jovi.

**Summary:** Draco sits awake one night contemplating his lover.

**A/N: **The lyrics are really important tothe story. If you, like me, tend to ignore lyrics while reading songfics…well, please don't. It won't make much sense without them. ^_^;

_Blah = _lyrics

/…/ = thoughts

*…* = emphasis

-------------------------------

/Not real. This can't be real. It's all an illusion. *You're an illusion. Never. It doesn't work like this. My life doesn't god damned work like this!/

It was 3:00 am. Draco Malfoy sat in the corner of the dark room watching his sleeping lover. He watch him breathe, the rise and fall of his chest fracturing the sense of utter stillness. A muggle tape played softly in the  background.

_Sitting here just watching you sleep__  
__Wish I could slip inside and be__  
__In some Technicolor dream__  
__But the air's too thick for one of us to breathe__  
__I'm not fool enough to think__  
__You couldn't live life without me_  
  
/I can't do this. He'll kill me. He'll kill you. He'll make me kill you. And then he won't kill me./

Draco looked down at his palms to see the blood well up where his nails had penetrated the pale skin.

/I have to do this. I have to, or I'll become him./

_I didn't come this far to throw the towel in__  
__I didn't fight this hard to walk away__  
__If I ain't smart enough to say I'm sorry__  
__It's just because the words got in the way_  
  
/Before all this started everything made sense. It was all clear and well defined. We were rivals. Equal and opposite./

He sucked at the torn flesh, savoring the coppery taste of the red fluid.

/No, that's a lie. We were never equal, you've always been so much more than me. And opposites? Not when I look into your eyes and see the reflection of someone I might have been, in another life./

_I remember how it used to be__  
__I was you and you were me__  
__We were more than just the same__  
__Now these shoes don't fit, my skin's too tight__  
__When you want a kiss, I take a bite__  
__Let your heart call up the cops, read me my rights_

/You stole my mask. Who am I supposed to be now? Your boyfriend? No, they'd never let me. Your enemy, like nothing's changed? No, you'd never let me. I can't be who you wish I would. You saved me, you're still saving me, but you've left me nowhere to hide./  
  
_Last night I drank enough to drown__  
__Raise a toast to your good looks and to my health__  
__Look, we both know how much I've let you down__  
__Janie don't you take your love to town_

Lightening flashed in the window above his head, briefly illuminating the figure on the bed. Draco watched as the fleeting brightness seemed to caress the curves of the body beneath the sheets, the lips that had tasted so sweet only a few short hours ago.  
  
_Janie don't you take your love to town__  
__Janie don't you take your love to town__  
__If I've got to beg, I'll beg, just don't walk away__  
__Janie don't you take your love to town_  
  


/you're so beautiful, so…pure. Despite all that you have had to face, you experience hasn't marred you. You're still clean, still perfect…Then again, I'm stained enough for the both of us./

As if echoing his thoughts, a few drops of blood began to run down his arm, to trace the multitude of tiny scars already adorning the thin wrist.

_You deserve a shooter, a saint__  
__Someone to give it to you straight__  
__To find the soul through flesh and bone_

/I don't deserve you. You're too good. You should have someone who can truly love you. Just love you, without any of this secrecy and hiding bull shit. You shouldn't have to carry around my baggage. You deserve to be happy./

_My life's a treasure, full of sunny weather__  
__But it's left me feeling cold__  
__Now all you want to do is take me home_

/I've always had the best that money can buy. As a child everything I wanted was handed to me on a silver platter. Now my name, and my fortune, and my family are what's separating me from the one thing I couldn't bear to live without./  
  
_I hated you, the night you said you loved me__  
__I hated you, 'cause I couldn't love myself__  
__I'm begging you now, baby please just hold me__  
__I got one foot in, one foot off the ground_  
  


Draco stared at the crimson tracts on his arm, entranced by the beauty of the blood, which was now dripping off his elbow to form a small pool on the cool floor.

_Janie don't you take your love to town__  
__Janie don't you take your love to town__  
__If I've got to beg, I'll beg, just don't walk away__  
__Janie don't you take your love to town_

/I don't know what it is you see in me. Why, after everything that has happened over the years, you're willing to risk so much for this, for *me*. All I know is that I need you, and I refuse to give you up./  
  
_Sitting here while you're fast asleep__  
__In the bathroom by the sink__  
__Trying to write the right words down_

/I love you./

_I turn out the lights, close my eyes__  
__There ain't no prayers or kiss goodnight__  
__What I'll forget to say tomorrow, I'll say now__  
__Janie don't you take your love to town_

Suddenly Draco got to his feet and strode across the room.  
  
_Janie don't you take your love to town__  
__Janie don't you ta --_ *click*

                                                                                                    *     *     *

Harry Potter awoke to a surprisingly cold and empty bed. On the pillow next to him, he found a cassette tape and a note, which read:

"I know your name's not Janie but…"


End file.
